Everything we do, and a few things we should not.
Our twelve-point plan for disrupting the concept of "doing it properly."
Subscription tier. Cancel anytime. (You can't.)
Forty slides. Zero revenue model. Full confidence.
Held at a timeshare you don't own. Bring your own lanyard.
Learn to not look at things, together, in a breakout room.
We find your synergies, then lose them. You get a certificate.
Forty-five minutes on "disruption." No slides. No content. Standing ovation optional.
We laminate your business card. That's the whole service. It's very shiny.
Every chart goes up and to the right. Axes not included.
Two hundred people, one cheese plate, zero follow-ups.
We take a long time and charge a lot to say "we value excellence."
Rent a confident person by the hour. Does not know your business. Won't let that stop him.
Get in on the ground floor of a building that has no floors.
Classics from the Grift Tank vault. All fictional, all terrible. New ones rotate in.
Customers pay us to not sell them lemonade.
It's a receipt for a receipt.
Artisanal, hand-poured, sourced from "a faucet."
A rebrand that fixes nothing.
Covers the thing that covers the thing.
Pays out only if you never, ever sell. Or file a claim.
Prime lots. Great views. A little far from the schools. To the moon.
We take your terrible idea and add spinning rims. It's still terrible. It has rims.
It's literally a dip. Comes with chips. Stonks.